I promised that I would return and here I am. I keep my promises, the problem is that I never make promises that I fear I won't be able to keep. However, I'm making this one to all of you today...I promise I'm here to stay.
It takes a lot to not only recognize a hard truth, but to accept it. My hard truth today: I foolishly push myself too hard early on not for fear of failing but rather to guarantee it. If my knee hurts, I can't go run because I know I can't afford to be handicapped or to have the problem in my knee fixed. So if I push just hard enough to make it hurt without doing damage...well there I have the perfect scapegoat from exercise.
I set out to run two miles today but I knew halfway through the first mile that that was too much and I couldn't have been more right judging by the stiffness in my knee when I got back home after only one total mile.
I've been living on a sine wave for far too long. I start off from zero and gain momentum rapidly, but I inevitably reach a peak and come crashing back down to end up worse off than I started. I'm done with that. Consider this my resignation from my old life. There are too many people I care about whom I keep letting down. Some of them don't see it that way and they all still love me regardless—but sometimes I wish they didn't. Of course I appreciate their love and support of me, but I get just enough of it to be happy.
I am like Dexter (the fictional serial killer). I don't kill people—did you really think that?—but I share his dream for life. I don't hope for riches or fame. I hope to someday be content. I hope some day to feel nothing but simple and pure happiness with the people I love and whom love me. However, this has been stifling me. If I don't dare and dream to be more than average, I will never even have that. I see now that I need to be extraordinary, because the extraordinary—not the ordinary—are the ones who dictate their lives and can provide for the ones they love.
So consider this my manifesto. I'm ready to be more. I need to be more. Not only for me, but for the people I love and for the people who love me. Exercise alone won't get me there. Physical fitness isn't the only aspect here. It's time for a life change. I know I have a lot of people behind me who love and care about me. I only ask that you not be proud of me just yet. I know I'm not average and that I never will be, but please wait for me to be what I should be before being proud of me for being extraordinary. Above average doesn't cut it any more.
So here restarts this blog from the first mile. The counter will keep going until my goal has been reached of completing a marathon. That doesn't necessarily mean a competition marathon, that just means 26.2 miles in one continuous attempt. I know I can make it. And by the end of this blog, I will know exactly how many miles it took me to get there.
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