Where to begin? I am now officially two days and two (kinda) exercises into Week 4 of Insanity. The Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs that is supposed to be on the Monday of Week 4 I did on the actual Week 4, two weeks ago. I failed yesterday to follow my gut feel and do my workout when I know I should have. However, I still hold that I have not skipped one workout...technically.
As for today's Cardio Power and Resistance...that is an interesting story. A bit of preface here, I watch these DVDs on my computer and do these workouts in my room. I don't like being watched—both in general and when I workout. I still very much fear how people see me which is a huge part of why I wanted to embark on this journey. I wanted to build my confidence through hard work, discipline and a self respect for accomplishing something truly difficult. For those of you whom have read my blog up until now, I wanted the same feeling of accomplishment that I got at the end of my long BWCAW trip—especially after that nine hour paddle out—only multiplied by about ten.
So, my computer desk is the obvious place for my water glass which I obviously need for hydrating during my workout. By now, it may be obvious where this is going. In my haste to reach for my water glass during the last warmup rotation, I knocked it over and onto the very expensive gaming keyboard that my ex girlfriend got me for my birthday last year. So in the midst of using my electronics knowledge to try and save this very cherished possession—it is one of the most thoughtful and sweetest things anyone has ever given me and also the only item in my life that makes always makes me think of my ex while also always making me smile—I am going through the emotional turmoil and anger of possibly losing one of my favorite things in the world. After all, I love to write, but typing is definitely my medium, and this is the best keyboard I've ever used, and I use it for hours every day.
Anyway, I came back to my workout after putting my keyboard into the oven (on dehydrate at about 100 degrees (This, along with placing the electronic item in a bag with raw rice, is the best way to revive items that have come into contact with water (water doesn't instantly damage or kill electronics, but the electricity to them needs to be removed as quickly as possible and then they need to be dried thoroughly))). However, I was very emotional, though at that point mostly angry and frustrated. So, in the last warmup rotation I pushed a bit too hard on the vertical jumps. I banged up my knee snowboarding a two weeks ago—during my original Week 4—and it still hurts some. Well, after thirty seconds of jumping so high, hard and fast that my dad heard my palms pounding on the ceiling from upstairs...let's just say my knee wasn't happy. I ended up skipping the majority of the latter half of the workout, though I did cool down and stretch. I was just so angry and frustrated and in some decent pain and worried about injury that I just gave up.
However, as I listen to Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons—which right now is at exactly the same point it was when I was doing those vertical jumps :)—I know that I am truly rededicated this time. I will redo today's workout next Tuesday during the recovery week just so that I can say I completed every single Insanity workout, but I'm not going to dwell on it.
To that point, I'm making three changes this week starting today and tomorrow. The first one is that I'm ditching my chess clock for my timing my workouts. I know that it has been useful to motivate me to keep pushing and to beat my old times, but the times that I didn't beat past times it was really deflating to not see progress every day. Along with that, I'm only weighing myself once a week. I don't think it is discouraging me, quite the opposite. I think when I don't see improvement in my weight I am using the day-to-day fluctuations of body weight as justification for the lack of change as opposed to what the reality is. So finally, the last change is meant to fix that: I will start tomorrow logging everything I consume—including water because I know I'm not getting enough.
So, I won't make ya'll read any more today—though from your comments about my blog maybe I should write even longer posts every day—but I will leave you with a quote that motivates me every day by legendary Formula 1 driver, the late Ayrton Senna:
"By being a racing driver means you are racing with other people. And if you no longer go for a gap that exists, you are no longer a racing driver because we are competing, competing to win. And the main motivation is to compete for victory, it’s not to come 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th. I race to win as long as I feel it’s possible. Sometimes you get it wrong? Sure, it’s impossible to get it right all the time. But I race designed to win, as long as I feel I’m doing it right."
To me, this quote is the embodiment of not only what we all are doing, but what I am trying to do right now with not only my life, but specifically this workout regime. I am rededicating myself to win, and I am betting on myself to win. Too often I settle for 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th. It is time for me to not only know and believe that I can win, but to push through that ever closing 'gap' between my desire to finish and my desire to quit. There is no doubt in my mind that I can do this. I have the recipe and ingredients for success, now it is time to put them together.
Thanks everyone for all your support. Twenty down—thirty-three more to go!
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