Day 2 (again)—Reboot, Re-motivation and Plyo Circuit

Well, I decided to restart Insanity, but let me explain. About twenty minutes into my first MAX workout in month 2 I realized that I was not in shape for this yet. Not even remotely ready for it. Sure, I could plod through them, but they will be demoralizing, possibly injurious and I feel that I will get more out of the regular month one workouts. I do fear I will become bored with them, but that's alright, I'll push through. My goal right now is to complete both months and then move on to my marathon distance training. However, depending on the weather and how much better shape I am in when month two rolls around, I may put Insanity back on the shelf until the winter again and move to running for my daily exercise. I do miss it, and I know that it is better for me mentally and discipline-wise than Insanity. I like some of the workouts, and I really like the Plyo one, but I just prefer to go out and run with music in my ears and the wind in my hair—as it were.

Also, my initial goal is to run the Chicago Marathon this year. Not the half marathon, the full monty. I know that is going to take more dedication than I have put into it as of late, but I really believe I'm seeing myself change mentally. I started Insanity this time so that my off day is on Tuesday so that my one physical class—the rest of them are online—doesn't affect my workouts or prevent me from doing them.

Well, everything just changed. I just looked at the website and the registration for the marathon is closed. There are still ways of registering, but those are all based in running for charity organizations, so I'm not really sure this will be possible. I'll still look into it. However, if I can't get registered, I will keep on with my training as planned and I will map out a 26.2 mile course somewhere else and run that on the same day. If nothing else, this will be a lower pressure situation come "race day" and I can just relax and go the distance.

This is turning into a bit of a live blog! I looked deeper and I can run for some teams—I would personally go for the American Red Cross—but I have to get over $1000 in donations, which in my current physical state isn't too likely. People aren't going to look at me and think, "yeah, I'll give this kid money to run the Chicago Marathon for the Red Cross!" So, I'll keep my head up and hope I can get in shape in time to get money to run, but if not I will plan my own route like I said earlier and run a marathon on my own that day.

So here we are, starting all over again. But this is a good new beginning. Two down (again)—fifty-two to go!

Day 50—Fit Test

Well, I'm getting this one out quick because there isn't a whole lot to say. By the time I got done with the fit test today I was so broken that there wasn't a chance that I was doing my first Max Interval Circuit as well. I feel my motivation slipping after skipping all but one of my recovery week workouts.

However, I am determined to make this work, so I am heading to bed now so I can get up early and crank it first thing in the morning. I'll still have time to make up all my workouts...somehow...

Day 43—Second Rest Day

Well, I want to start with the fact that I finished all my workouts last week and I felt great. Sorry for the no-blog-posting over the weekend, but I was busy. I had an...emotional weekend, and I'm not in the highest of spirits now, but I'm pushing through.

This is my recovery week. Not a whole lot to say today as I didn't do Insanity today, but that was because I took the chance to go snowboarding. However, I'm going to hit the ground running early tomorrow morning and I can't wait. And even if it means doing it this Sunday, I will do all six of my Core Cardio & Balance workouts, so I'm not skipping, just postponing. I'd like to do it on Wednesday, effectively doing it twice, but worst comes to worst I will do it Sunday. I also have a Cardio Abs from last week I have to throw in somewhere. I'll figure it out.

Otherwise, I'm doing alright. I'm trying to up my motivation level for working out and better scrutinize what I eat and drink so I can start finally seeing the numbers I want on the scale. However, I know I will get there if I keep doing my workouts and being true to you all and true to myself.

No updated countdown for today. :( Wednesday I will count down two though!

Day 38 — Plyo Circuit and Dedication

Rarely has a movie ever moved me in the way that Senna did. I mentioned Ayrton Senna, the late, great, three time World Champion Formula One driver in yesterday's blog. Thinking about him again led me to finally watch the Sundance Film Festival award winning documentary about his life—which is available for streaming on Netflix for anyone who is interested. If you like racing, documentaries or just witnessing sheer will and determination of the human spirit as it pushes the limits of what is physically and mentally possible...watch this movie as soon as possible.

That being said, today was a rough day. Didn't work much sadly because I need money, but I started finally receiving the disbursement of my student financial aid, so I can finally take a breather and not be so worried about how I will pay my bills week to week.

However, after spending some time with my ex—which really helped me relax as her and I have been great and close friends since before we dated—I dropped her off at the bar, had a beer, came home and pushed play. I didn't sit down at my computer and log into Star Wars: The Old Republic, I didn't start reading Gizmodo or Facebook. I simply filled up my water bottle, pressed play on the last bit of Senna that I had to finish while I put my workout attire on and just did my Plyo.

Frankly, I love the Plyo Circuit. I will definitely keep that routine in my back pocket on cold and rainy days when I don't feel like running long after I am done with Insanity. It avoids boredom, I can crank through the warmup, and I just find the first rotation fun. I am terrible at the second rotation as it is almost pure upper body and core which are much weaker for me than my lower body, but I pushed through and really feel like I made improvements today.

As I mentioned yesterday, I stopped using my phone to time how much of my workouts I was resting. That helped a lot today. The times I did rest didn't make the workout feel as choppy as they normally do, and it forced my to mentally push myself farther without being able to look at a clock and think, "well, I'm on pace to beat my previous time already, so I can take it back a notch and relax." It was a great tool early on in Insanity to see improvements day to day, but now I think I can rely simply on listening to my body, knowing how I look and feel, and the fit tests every two weeks.

I didn't eat the best, but it was by no means terrible. The biggest problem I have is getting caught in the trap of skipping breakfast which leads me to gorge at lunch because I am starving and thinking, "hey! I didn't eat breakfast, so that is a whole other chunk of calories I can eat now!" That is a terrible way of thinking about my diet and I am determined to fix it.

That's all for now though. I am determined—with some new tools I found online—to get up and out of bed at 6 AM tomorrow morning to do my workout, eat a good breakfast, and start my day off right. I have a fun day tomorrow seeing one of my favorite indie artists, Jenny Owen Youngs, tomorrow at Schuba's in downtown Chicago. I haven't seen her perform in years and I used to have a bit of a friendship with her, so I'm excited to 'rekindle' that if you will. Plus, now I am old enough to sit and drink with her after her set is over! Not too much of course though, in moderation.

Also, I fixed the numbering of days for my blog posts to match the days since we started this regime and group as opposed to how many days into Insanity I currently am. Twenty-one down—thirty-two left to go!

P.S. Good song to help you relax and enjoy the evening—though since most of you are likely sleeping, maybe save it for tomorrow—New Slang by The Shins. Great song, especially for you Coach. Head out on a solo walk down the beach with that in your ears on a day when you are stressed towards your limit and I assure you will come out the other side a new woman!

Day 23 — Confessions, Rededication, and 2/3 of a CP&R

Where to begin? I am now officially two days and two (kinda) exercises into Week 4 of Insanity. The Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs that is supposed to be on the Monday of Week 4 I did on the actual Week 4, two weeks ago. I failed yesterday to follow my gut feel and do my workout when I know I should have. However, I still hold that I have not skipped one workout...technically.

As for today's Cardio Power and Resistance...that is an interesting story. A bit of preface here, I watch these DVDs on my computer and do these workouts in my room. I don't like being watched—both in general and when I workout. I still very much fear how people see me which is a huge part of why I wanted to embark on this journey. I wanted to build my confidence through hard work, discipline and a self respect for accomplishing something truly difficult. For those of you whom have read my blog up until now, I wanted the same feeling of accomplishment that I got at the end of my long BWCAW trip—especially after that nine hour paddle out—only multiplied by about ten.

So, my computer desk is the obvious place for my water glass which I obviously need for hydrating during my workout. By now, it may be obvious where this is going. In my haste to reach for my water glass during the last warmup rotation, I knocked it over and onto the very expensive gaming keyboard that my ex girlfriend got me for my birthday last year. So in the midst of using my electronics knowledge to try and save this very cherished possession—it is one of the most thoughtful and sweetest things anyone has ever given me and also the only item in my life that makes always makes me think of my ex while also always making me smile—I am going through the emotional turmoil and anger of possibly losing one of my favorite things in the world. After all, I love to write, but typing is definitely my medium, and this is the best keyboard I've ever used, and I use it for hours every day.

Anyway, I came back to my workout after putting my keyboard into the oven (on dehydrate at about 100 degrees (This, along with placing the electronic item in a bag with raw rice, is the best way to revive items that have come into contact with water (water doesn't instantly damage or kill electronics, but the electricity to them needs to be removed as quickly as possible and then they need to be dried thoroughly))). However, I was very emotional, though at that point mostly angry and frustrated. So, in the last warmup rotation I pushed a bit too hard on the vertical jumps. I banged up my knee snowboarding a two weeks ago—during my original Week 4—and it still hurts some. Well, after thirty seconds of jumping so high, hard and fast that my dad heard my palms pounding on the ceiling from upstairs...let's just say my knee wasn't happy. I ended up skipping the majority of the latter half of the workout, though I did cool down and stretch. I was just so angry and frustrated and in some decent pain and worried about injury that I just gave up.

However, as I listen to Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons—which right now is at exactly the same point it was when I was doing those vertical jumps :)—I know that I am truly rededicated this time. I will redo today's workout next Tuesday during the recovery week just so that I can say I completed every single Insanity workout, but I'm not going to dwell on it.

To that point, I'm making three changes this week starting today and tomorrow. The first one is that I'm ditching my chess clock for my timing my workouts. I know that it has been useful to motivate me to keep pushing and to beat my old times, but the times that I didn't beat past times it was really deflating to not see progress every day. Along with that, I'm only weighing myself once a week. I don't think it is discouraging me, quite the opposite. I think when I don't see improvement in my weight I am using the day-to-day fluctuations of body weight as justification for the lack of change as opposed to what the reality is. So finally, the last change is meant to fix that: I will start tomorrow logging everything I consume—including water because I know I'm not getting enough.

So, I won't make ya'll read any more today—though from your comments about my blog maybe I should write even longer posts every day—but I will leave you with a quote that motivates me every day by legendary Formula 1 driver, the late Ayrton Senna:

"By being a racing driver means you are racing with other people. And if you no longer go for a gap that exists, you are no longer a racing driver because we are competing, competing to win. And the main motivation is to compete for victory, it’s not to come 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th. I race to win as long as I feel it’s possible. Sometimes you get it wrong? Sure, it’s impossible to get it right all the time. But I race designed to win, as long as I feel I’m doing it right."

To me, this quote is the embodiment of not only what we all are doing, but what I am trying to do right now with not only my life, but specifically this workout regime. I am rededicating myself to win, and I am betting on myself to win. Too often I settle for 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th. It is time for me to not only know and believe that I can win, but to push through that ever closing 'gap' between my desire to finish and my desire to quit. There is no doubt in my mind that I can do this. I have the recipe and ingredients for success, now it is time to put them together.

Thanks everyone for all your support. Twenty down—thirty-three more to go!